Relationship Coach's
Ask Psychics!
Secrets for a Love Relationship
(a service provided by Ask
Psychics! Clairvoyant Relationship Coaching)
I personally use AOL Press and prefer browsing with Microsoft's Browser with America Online.
I also have an Excite page.
SECRETS FOR A LOVE RELATIONSHIP....
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Tips for Communication
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Tips to Stop Living in the Past
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Tips for Those Currently Not in a Relationship
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Tips for Commitment
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Tips for Looking for "Mr. Wonderful"
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Tips for Gays and Lesbians
(for an interactive Delphi Forum message board on these same topics -- updated every few days, ability to see only
the new "unread" additions -- see All
About Relationships ~*Psychic-ally)
This Page Last Updated 12/12/99
This is the place to go to understand your relationship... and get some help. These reflections
come after doing thousands of Clairvoyant readings on different love relationships. These are offered with the
hope that people will think about these, and work on these basic issues as soon as possible. Your relationship may have unique problems that don't fit into these highly-common issues. Please
feel free to contact me at AskPsychics@aol.com
to see if a Clairvoyant reading might help you.
COMMUNICATION
 =
It's important to find out how your partner feels about communication. Without communication, relationships die
a fast death. Of course, for those going through the process, it feels like a long, slow, torturous death.
= It's important to find out
how your partner feels about honesty. No honesty, then all communication attempts are warped.
= It's important to find out
how your partner feels about self-honesty. Some people feel great about being honest with their loved one, but
personally they have so much self-deception going on, that the communication is run aground before it even takes
off.
= If your lover asks if you've
been faithful and there's absolutely no reason to suspect you of infidelity... you may very well have an unfaithful
lover on your hands. This proves out in psychic sessions with clients too. I have yet to find a single
exception, although I personally believe that just normal jealousy could theoretically exist in someone's relationship.
= Not every conversation needs
to get into an hour-long dialogue-- some successful lovers drop relationship tools and knowledge into their lover's
lap so that their lover can choose (or not) to live more successfully.
Some successful couples drop relationship tidbits like they do the weather....
You don't need (nor want) to get into heavy conversations about this the first time you ever mention a success
tidbits. This should be said like you come in from outside and say, "Whooew, it's cold out there." You
don't say, "Whooew, it's cold out there, do you want to talk about it." Or "Whooew, it's cold out
there, do you believe me." Nor, "Whooew, it's ocld out there, do you want to talk about it." You
just say, "Whoeew it's cold out there."
Same thing here. We're dropping a piece of information into the lover's lap about what successful couples are doing/trying/knowing.
Your does want to be successful in a successful love relationship with you. We are just giving the person the information/tools
to be skilled at making it successful.
When folks get into a lengthy conversation... oftentimes they get defensive... trying to make sure that they come
up with snappy and intelligent responses and too much talking... your lover may not even remember what you told
him/her... s/he just will remember his clever replies. So if you two want to talk about it later on, great. If
your lover wants to talk about it now, just try to let him talk... but keep bringing him back to the main point:
"what successful lovers/couples are doing/trying/knowing."
And remember, for use in other times when you use the "Successful lovers in successful relationships"
drop and your lover gets defensive... if you had come in from outside and said, "Whooew, it's cold out there."
And he replied, "Are you trying to tell me that I should go outside then?"
You would look at him like he was crazy! Then there's some way that you would respond to that defensiveness. Same
thing here on the successful-couples drop. You can reply, for example, "Wow. I was just sharing a piece of
information. You are free to do what you want to do. If you want to go outside and see how cold it is, you can.
If you don't want to go outside and see how cold it is, you don't have to."
"If you want to do what successful lovers are using, you can. If you don't want to do what successful lovers
are using, you don't have to."
Also too, people don't like SHOULDs so steer clear
of telling him he SHOULD do this or SHOULD do that.
Everyone wants to be successful. The key point is to show what "some successful couples/lovers" are doing/trying/knowing"
and thus have your lover add to their Relationship Skills Toolbox. Kind of like sharing the news or the weather or a successful business tip.
It's always best if you make the "successful relationship tidbit" a MAIN topic... and not bury it inside
of a bunch of "I wants" and "I needs."
= There exist a bunch of people
with special talents and abilities where they just automatically get defensive when you try to tell them something.
In a large number of cases, there's a pre-phrase
that you must say to your defensive lover whenever you try to tell them anything. For some couples, I have advised
that before they mention anything, their lover needs to reassured first that you do find the lover "knowledgeable,"
or "well-informed" on many things.
So for example, the phrasing would sound like this:
"Hi, Hon, I know that you are very knowledgeable about a lot of things AND you will be interested to know that some successful lovers are using <fill
in the blank of whichever relationship tools that some successful lovers are using>."
Never use BUT, but always AND.
LIVING IN THE PAST
+ One
of the funny things is that we humans know that if a person dies on us, then we need to grieve. Well, if a relationship
dies on us (either because we end it, or the other person ends it, or the relationship dies on its own), we have
invested ourselves at some point into thinking that this relationship was going to last a good, long time and when
it's over it's as huge a disappointment and an emotional loss as well as any physical death. We need to grieve
over the relationship and get ready to move on with our lives. Unfortunately many people allow their grief to go
unresolved and it sabotages their current relationship.
We here in the United States like to think that we are past any grieving when we
a. are no longer sobbing once a month
b. are not expecting any of the old dreams/hopes/goals to ever happen
c. don't intend to put any more work into the relationshp and
d. "look at me, I'm dating!"
Well, if the person had died on us, we know that it takes more than these four things to get through the grieving
process. The more extended grieving process for when a person dies on us is not due to the fact that their body
is in the ground, but that the relationship has died.
Just because the person has not died and only the relationship has died, does not mean that it's not as huge an
emotional blow to our beings.
+
In December of 1997, I used an excellent visual reference. Consider a relationship like a Christmas tree. When
the relationship first starts, it's a blank tree. Then as we interact with each other, we think, "Neat, the
two of us talked really well tonight." And we hang our dream of "two
people able to talk openly and honestly about things like a partnership" onto
the relationship tree; much like we hang ornaments on a Christmas tree. There are other dreams too:
"Boy, the two of us are so intensely in love with each other. We surely have one
of those loves that will never die. Maybe we are soulmates." And we hang
that dream/ornament on the tree.
"Wow, he has such a really good income and he's so stable, maybe now I can finally
stop worrying about money and just concentrate on building a strong relationship." And
we hang that dream/ornament on the tree.
Anyway, you get the idea. There are a ton of different hopes, dreams, and goals that we
can have for a relationship at any particular time. Some - and often many of these hopes/dreams/goals get dashed
by the winds of reality - but the point is that we hung that hope/dream/goal ornament on the relationship tree.
Once the relationship has ended, many of us take that relationship tree and give it a
good heave out the back door. Slamming the door, we dust off our hands and think that we have finally ended that
miserable relationship. Unfortunately, too few of us realize that we left those hopes/dreams/goals ornaments out
on the tree out back. So when we are looking for a new relationship, the new relationship feels hollow. Doesn't
hit the spot. The other person complains about various odd things like "You don't seem really committed to
this relationship." "Or it's obvious that I don't make you happy." When certainly logically you
have committed to the relationship and logically you do your best - within reason, of course - to try to make the
other person happy. What the other person feels and is really saying, is that you have left your hopes/dreams/goals
somewhere else and being with you is as thrilling as being in love with Dr. Spock.
Want to liven up your relationship? Want to get the zest back in your life? Want your
new love to stop complaining? Go to the backyard, to that old relationship tree you tossed, and get your dreams
back. (It doesn't mean that you have to contact the old person... just mentally take your dreams back.) And now
that you are more mature and wiser, you can decide which of these hopes/dreams/goals deserve to be hung on the
new relationship tree or not hung at all.
If you are having trouble getting some of your dreams back - which is normal considering
what all you have been through - try "The Artist's Way" workbook and then once you've rescued the artist
within and are back in touch with your creativity, follow-up with "The Vein of Gold" by Julia Cameron.
+
If you are unable to detach from a relationship, no matter how hard you try, consider the previous paragraph. It's
an energy boost to head off for a new life with at least some dreams in hand. People are just walking zombies
if they think they can face the romantic future with all of their dreams and hopes dashed back there on a previous
relationship(s).
It is our dreams that motivate us to follow through and get things, like a successful relationship, going. Our
"don't wants" are not as motivating as our dreams/hopes/goals.
If you have a lover that doesn't follow through on things and/or one who is really cynical about love and loving...
this may very well be the problem: a lack of understanding that it is our dreams that motivate us.. and it's the
full grieving process that let's us dream again.
TIPS FOR THOSE CURRENTLY NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP
+ Please don't get up out of the love bed and then decide that you want a long-term relationship
with him/her. First find out what the person is like (honesty, trust, commitment, etc.) before sex. Makes
my job and your life easier.
+
Most people are in a constant loop. Never thinking that they have a personality flaw (like not wanting to
communicate - usually men OR not thinking that their own needs, wants, desires are important - usually women),
they go into relationships and spiral into the same negative relationship patterns. So check out how this person
acts and reacts in a relationship with other people if you can. You wouldn't dream of buying a car without
actually seeing it run on the road so why do we do that with lovers?.
+
People who rush you (into relationships, into making a decision, whatever) are generally trying to pull a sleight
of hand. They don't want you to see some underlying character flaw about themself.
COMMITMENT
+
Having problems getting that lover to commit to you? Oftentimes, that lover has a commitment phobia, which
means that they have no energy to follow through and/or look for ways to committing to you for that lifelong, traditional
relationship. Many different solutions have worked for different couples:
Sometimes the person has just shattered that commitment dream into so many pieces that
they are unable to believe that the happy family life dream- with two people committed and getting happier
and more financially abundant with time - is ever going to be a possibility in their future. Sometimes just
mentioning to them that some men/women have difficulties
resurrecting that dream because they haven't gone through a grieving process over some previous relationship that
shattered their hopes for this dream. Not that they have to place this resurrected dream on your new relationship...
(you don't want to stress them out) however, just realizing that they made the best decision at the time with their
limited knowledge and resources (5 Cups) and that now they are older and wiser and will be much more mature when
they decide to give some other relationship that dream.
Sometimes some lovers have a commitment phobia because they need reassurance from you
that you believe that you two can create that
happy family life dream. You just assume it for them. You pooh-pooh any of their doubts and skepticism.
(This is the same type of reassurance that works for a lot of people too when they are terrified of being
parents.) Stress your lovers talents and strong points that make them an excellent candidate for a happy
home life regardless of their last relationship(s) and/or their unhappy and/or broken-homed upbringing.
LOOKING FOR "MR. WONDERFUL"
+
I have not found that there are any unusual tips for when a person is looking for "Mr. Wonderful." Many
of the same tips as above, apply here also. That's because generally when people ask me, "Is there a
new relationship coming soon?" When I look, I see that there heart is really not into finding a new
relationship... they really would prefer for an old relationship to work instead - hopeless though it seems at
this point. So sure, logically they have decided to move on and look for someone new, but they are half-hearted,
many are still depressed, some are sabotaging their own efforts.... As I told a client once, "You'll
have to do your grief work and take back at least some of your dreams. These dreams can happen again - with
someone different - in your future. Either way, you don't want Mr. Wonderful to find you still wallowing
in the mud of the past."
+ It's extraordinarily rare
when I get the question, "Is Mr. Wonderful going to come into my life soon AND the person is really ready
for a Mr. Wonderful. But for those few, rare, refreshing readings, the only tips that I can offer are how
to speed up that happy event, so that it happens sooner. Once in a while the person is not energized for
trying new things or places, so as to meet Mr. Wonderful. In that case we work on finding what does energize
them to get out, go to some new places or try new things... which will tie in to what they normally like doing
anyway.
Sometimes the person is heading out the door and trying to meet new people... but just isn't appearing to be "really
interested" in any possible suitors. Now this is kind of like going to a dance and instead of sort of moving
your head to the music, you sit and read a book
+
Live in a small town, and there's noone new there, much less Mr. Wonderful. The answer is obvious. Either change
your made-in-concrete small circle of friends (possibly making enemies in the process, yes) OR travel a lot OR
move.
GAYS AND LESBIANS
+
I have many, many homosexual clients. I have not found that there are any unusual factors that keep coming
up for those who are in homosexual relationships. The same rules and typical problems happen here too. (Lots of
homosexual couples wonder about the influence of their relationship having all the many particular challenges that
society has thrust upon it. But those challenges are rarely effecting the actual relationship. There main
difficulties are communication, living in the past, and/or failure to include each individual's "personal"
wants/needs/goals into the relationship's timeframe and planning.)
+
I do come across a large number of gay (male) relationships that seem to be doing a daisy chain of affections.
What I mean, the client is in two relationships. One person they don't really care about and also another
that they just adore and would REALLY like to see that one work out. Unfortunately, their adored one is in
two relationships and their adored one would really rather be in a relationship with the non-client person. And
when you follow this through... it's like a hall of mirrors. Each person in two relationships. Each
adoring the one who treats them bad. Each not really caring about the person who really loves them. And
sometimes there's a ripple effect when someone is dumped.... because then they go back to the person they really
didn't care for who in turn dumps the other person in their life who they really didn't care for..... Anyway,
the tip here, and noone likes it hearing it: is to try to find the root cause of why they are unable to ever
love someone who also loves them. Find the reason of why they only love someone when/if that someone also
treats them badly. This will get them out of the daisy-chain and this is the easiest workable plan for finally
getting a healthy relationship going someplace else. It's much more difficult to make the "adored one"
turn around and work on a relationship with the client when the "adored one" also has an inability to
ever love someone who would also love them back.
LAST
TIP: Please as a courtesy, don't wait until the last ditch effort to contact a psychic for relationship help.
It's kind of like driving a car... it's a lot less costly and painful to do minor tuneups as you go along
rather than drive the relationship into the ground and expect a psychic to perform a "resurrection."
Check your relationship(s) early and often. That's what many successful lovers do :).
+ To see more tips but these tips are based solely on my personal experiences click here.
 
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